One of the hardest/best lessons taught to coaches is something I’ve always known, in my nervous system, to be true. When someone dictates, over-asserts or even just gives unsolicited advice to ME, the backlash feels visceral. I shut-down or even feel a resentment I can’t explain.
It’s better if we ask permission to give advice and best if we’ve been asked to be in that role. I’ve made the mistake of giving it without following this rule and it very frequently creates a shift. A wall goes up and I need to back off.
It’s ironic, we do it out of caring or even love. We want to help. A hover parent may want desperately to protect their child from the dangers of the world. A manager may want the perfect an outcome to share with the team they’ve sworn to champion. A practitioner may want to get their client/patient healed and stop the suffering ASAP. But there’s a delicate dance which I’ll admit I’m still learning and need to continue to learn. Autonomy is freedom and it promotes trust.
So as a practitioner, we’ll give recommendations, but they’re for opt-in, self-treatment. They are technically not advice and the system that FDN’s follow is more of a construct of bringing healing opportunities to the surface for clients to learn and grow with.
It is their journey. We won’t get traction unless they buy in and take ownership of it. It’s magical to see when a client brings their own idea to the table. They’re now driving the process forward from their own curiosity, self-awareness, and agency.
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